It hits me in waves when I least expect it. One would think with the holidays coming up, sure, it would be present, but in actuality, it feels dormant. I find myself blocking out memories and focusing on giving my child the love, joy and excitement that I felt as a kid. Lists, presents, activities, food, smells and the busiest time of year for me as a therapist keep me occupied from acknowledging my rock of grief.

It’s been over 8 years since my sweet dad left this earth. One would think that it would be not as difficult or that it would bring my happiness to think of him, but it’s still hard. It’s different. My son said that his holiday wish would be to “bring back Papa Brezner because he wants to meet him.” Instantly my heart sank. How sweet and shitty it is.

To all my precious patients, friends, fellow grievers, I see you and feel/hold your pain. Life is so incredibly brutal and yet we have these moments of pure connection. I continue to seek connection relentlessly as a way to heal those most deeply wounded parts.

With so much love and gratitude,

Lauren